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The Ups & Downs of Getting Started

A few years ago, it had come to my attention that I'd spent way too long running from my first loves: art, crystals, and metaphysics. Who knows what it could've been back then.... maybe I was too distracted? Or maybe I was simply growing up too fast?

Luckily, I was able to slow down and find my way back.

(Queue "FIND YOUR WAY BACK" by Beyonce... or not. But you could, 'cause I embedded the song.)

When I was growing up, I had given all of my energy to the most frustrating parts of my story. As a young person I felt miserable, unsure of what the future held. I had fallen out of love with all of my favorite things. I was stuck in a vicious cycle of depression & anxiety, with hella unhealthy coping mechanisms. I've come to realize that I could've been doing anything else with that time, but I was too far gone back then.

In 2017, I had just entered my twenties. I was in a state where I'd have panic attacks at least once a week. When I could no longer shoulder the weight of reality or internalize my emotions, I'd fall to the floor and hyperventilate. Despite how resourceful or clever I could be, almost anything could propel me into a hot mess express: finances, school, work, going out, staying in, making groceries, and all of the above. THANKFULLY, by grace, I rediscovered my childhood passions.

Precious stones and pretty gems? Sign me up.

Meticulously researching spiritual practices & connections? Sign. Me. Up.

Making art and exploring my creative side without judgement? SIGN! ME! UP!

Fast forward to Summer & Fall of 2019, and I'm out here giving tarot readings left and right like nobody's business. Those days held some of first steps towards the life I'm living

now. If you've ever lent me your patience when I was still calling it "practice", you have a special place in my heart. I was on my Oprah, like, "YOU GET A READING, AND YOU GET A READING, AND YOU GET ONE, TOO!" I had gone from modestly "practicing" towards stepping into my purpose, steadily booked and blessed.

I proudly snagged my first event booking on Halloween of 2019, and it felt incredible! That's when Dionne The Divine was born; the hotel manager that booked my first handful of gigs insisted on lavish title. After that, I understood that divination had potential beyond a pass-time or side hustle. It's a genuine service that I thoroughly enjoyed, and I was ready to make the most of it. Professionally, I had no clue what I was doing or where to start but I remained resourceful and optimistic. If I can work overtime for a hotel then I can also do it for myself, right? It's easier said than done, but so far it's been more than worth it. It definitely beats working in the city's overly demanding hospitality industry. I had to tell myself that to make this work, or it was back to full time hours at somebody's front desk.

The pandemic threw me for a loop in Spring of 2020. My last psychic gig was scheduled the week before we all got roped into quarantined. I was baffled, angry, depressed, and loosing momentum. Lockdown did not help. Cabin fever was a little too easy to succumb to during that time. No amount of "working on my website" could keep me sane. I had moved back in with family, jobless & uninspired. I felt miserable, and further from any prior goals I had set.

I eventually found myself back at someone's front desk in Fall of 2020. It felt like a twisted joke, but at least it was something to do. In those months where nobody expected anything outta anybody... I could've been doing art for art's sake. Regrettably, I was still pretty detached from creating art a that time. I was barely offering readings then, I was exhausted and dragging my feet. I'd catch myself hoarding crystals paycheck to paycheck and doodling on in the middle of every hotel shift. I was barely offering readings then, I was exhausted and dragging my feet. Somehow, I still found time to "work on my business", but that too could be a grueling process.

Months after, sometime in the Summer of 2021, there was a monumental night. I got home after a long shift, probably overtime... and I made some art. I just sat, and made art (the tiny statue pictured). I didn't change out of my uniform, I just picked up some clay and started to play. I had gotten home after midnight, but still, I played in clay til' the sun came up. It was just me and my desire to create. I surprised myself. I was so delighted that I thought to myself, "Wow. I could do this everyday and be happy for the rest of my life."

That kind of realization is worth any moments filled growing pains. That is what I crave & what I feel we all need more of, especially during these trying times. Change is turbulent and full of twists and turns, but it does not have to stand still in trauma or tragedy. I live for serendipity, for satisfaction, for sentimental connections, sweet nothings, and more.

Thus, it is my pleasure to honor, exemplify, and promote the nature of divinity in: self-discovery, being present, & being patient.

Thank you for reading.

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